The fiancee effect on tennis

I got engaged, and somehow, I’ve become a better tennis player. My last three matches have been blowouts, and my mind is free on the court. Maybe it’s because someone in the world has agreed to spend the rest of their life with me. 

Think about that for a second. 

You need to have such trust and conviction in another person to agree to such a proposition. Growing up, I never really thought much about being engaged, even though I always knew I wanted to get married. At an early age, I even knew I wanted to be a father one day, and I would imagine what it would feel like to take him or her to the park, to get ice cream and to school. 

But I never really put much thought into the engagement, and in some ways, I thought it was silly until I got on one knee in a little row boat in Central Park and felt my heart smile. It was like all of New York City got together and decided not to be such assholes for the first time ever as we walked around the Upper East Side, past the Met, and to our brunch celebration.

It was magical—a high. The next time I stepped onto a tennis court, I saw the court clearer than ever before because maybe, in a way, the stress of being alone in this world was gone. Maybe the confidence she had in me carried over to the court. The baby that loses focus after a bad shot was silenced by the person we’re becoming. 

A person who lacks the confidence to make a choice is a wandering soul, a child who doesn’t know what he wants. Or, even worse, they are waiting for something better. I know a guy who has a nice girlfriend but cares more about what his college friend group thinks and, in a way, doesn’t want to propose because he thinks he’s above it.

I’m not the spokesperson for proposing now or for anything, really. But I do believe that when you find someone who loves you, you should cherish it. It’s the hardest thing in the world to find. Harder than making money or becoming a 4.0 tennis player. 

The high of engagement lasted about 6 days, the same amount of time it took God to create the entire world. Then, that world got in the way. 

I’m not sad about that. A high is a high for a reason. It’s a temporary moment of extreme happiness. The happiest people don’t have more highs than other people. They are just better at recognizing what makes them happy and can extend the highs longer than most without hopping on a plane to get away to an island somewhere. They can make highs out of thin air. At a coffee shop, on a tennis court, at a farm bridge, with each other doing nothing.

But championships last forever. That’s why they have trophies. In a way, the engagement ring is that trophy. 

It reminds me of the day my tennis coach became my fiancee.